i never thought of myself as stupid but i just agreed with myself that i am indeed. i blardy know it's gonna hurt me but i just still keep on reading it over and over again. then i thought to myself, why last time can this time cannot? why last time like that this time like this? why last time's easier this time's harder?
god damn it. i do deserve things like last time also you know. but i just cant bring it up like that bkoz it will be stupid. it will be foolish. and funnily selfish. ultimately, unrealistic. i might just drop dead if i were to bring it up. bkoz everythings different.
i sometimes regret being me right now. like my current self. i have chosen to stop instilling challenges to my partner eversince i found him at rouge. i have chosen to stop being a bitch. i have decided to spare a heart. i decided that retaliating is not a way to solve problems. even when sometimes just sometimes i am right. i'll just bite my tongue and stay quiet. i have stopped lashing out at people especially to my partner. lucky him, he has never experienced that side of me before. and i reckon he never will. bkoz im such a patient girl like that. i have decided to be boring to make things easier. my my, was i ever that accomodating? point is, being a 100% good girl doesn't pay up. rihanna is the good girl gone bad. i am the bad girl gone good. feels so boring and it's not that accomplishing. the chase just stopped. i seriously do not like that.
shiqin just mohawked with sweet blonde streaks. i love i love i love. my toni and guy hairstylist decides to bribe me so i could model outrageous hairstyles for him again. and the current elya turned him down. pfft.
i feel so boring.
salary is out. last time first stop would be paragon. then to the nail shop and hunt for good music at hmv and then good reads at borders. this time it will be saving up for hari raya and give kids green packets. not only that, need to also save up for my future with him.
and the question would be, a mohawk or curls ala sara ramirez in greys anatomy? i think it shall be the mohawk. just to spice some stale things up.
