i never thought of myself as stupid but i just agreed with myself that i am indeed. i blardy know it's gonna hurt me but i just still keep on reading it over and over again. then i thought to myself, why last time can this time cannot? why last time like that this time like this? why last time's easier this time's harder?
god damn it. i do deserve things like last time also you know. but i just cant bring it up like that bkoz it will be stupid. it will be foolish. and funnily selfish. ultimately, unrealistic. i might just drop dead if i were to bring it up. bkoz everythings different.
i sometimes regret being me right now. like my current self. i have chosen to stop instilling challenges to my partner eversince i found him at rouge. i have chosen to stop being a bitch. i have decided to spare a heart. i decided that retaliating is not a way to solve problems. even when sometimes just sometimes i am right. i'll just bite my tongue and stay quiet. i have stopped lashing out at people especially to my partner. lucky him, he has never experienced that side of me before. and i reckon he never will. bkoz im such a patient girl like that. i have decided to be boring to make things easier. my my, was i ever that accomodating? point is, being a 100% good girl doesn't pay up. rihanna is the good girl gone bad. i am the bad girl gone good. feels so boring and it's not that accomplishing. the chase just stopped. i seriously do not like that.
shiqin just mohawked with sweet blonde streaks. i love i love i love. my toni and guy hairstylist decides to bribe me so i could model outrageous hairstyles for him again. and the current elya turned him down. pfft.
i feel so boring.
salary is out. last time first stop would be paragon. then to the nail shop and hunt for good music at hmv and then good reads at borders. this time it will be saving up for hari raya and give kids green packets. not only that, need to also save up for my future with him.
and the question would be, a mohawk or curls ala sara ramirez in greys anatomy? i think it shall be the mohawk. just to spice some stale things up.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
suddenly, im just not interested anymore.
to hell with plans.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Last Sunday, mummy and i decided to go for serious shopping at courts. we bought a new fridge (fridge lama nak dekat roboh ler...) and for me turning into 23, mummy bought moi an acer aspire series laptop. yes the one with crystal eye integrated webcam. and yes the one with dolby digital live surround sound. i have yet to download my mapple story bkoz apparently this laptop is for game lovers! it might not be as spanking as that sony vaio or macbook but this laptop spells out ELYA. i could easily asked for a smart phone or that vaio or even a ps3 (decided to wait and get it for him lah) but like i said, this lappie spells out ME.
Prior to that, lifetime brought me on a shopping spree last saturday. things i chose and decided to call my own at 23 really surprised myself. but im glad i got that hot latina fever cd from that cd shop lah. only thing left to do is to play the salsa volume by the beach dancing the night away with him accompanied with nachos and spicy cheese on our picnic mat. when ahbwee?
so after the shopping at orchard road, literally the whole of orchard, met the other loves at somerset and iftar-ed at sakura international buffet lor. very yum yum lorr! sedap enak lazat. unfortunately, not even a picture taken on that saturday when everyones around. oh boo hoo. turning 23 also feels kinda lame.
im starting to really miss zouk. there, i've said it. im starting to miss my loud clothes. im missing those days. sometimes i thought of having random weekday nights out of tampines and then im just too tired. elyo is such an energy sucker. and ppl just kept on thinking its only a desk-bound job. yeah ONLY. i kept telling myself to shoot for the moon, if all else fails, i'll still be among the stars (inspired by cecilia ahern) but what kinda moon? on which planet? from which galaxy?
mommy's sleeping right now. been awhile since i last danced to cassie's. i need to dance.
thank god training is back tmrw onwards. apparently, there'll be many many shows to perform come november. i see kachings kachings. might not be a britney kinda training, but who cares. it's still a dance. just dat it has traditions scent all over the steps.
wish me luck. am gonna iftar with his big family at cck today. jitteryjittery bugs.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
erk. what am i doing here? arrghhhh! hold on tight elya! 2 more pages of sweet damnful budgeting to be done. and then voila voila voila!
have i told you september is sweet?
Thursday, September 13, 2007
But at 23, I'm definitely feeling this.
Fragile seams, I opened up too quick and all my dreams, Were walking out I'd slowly, Lost my fire, With every single man a river cried
I had no sensation, Completely numb, left with no satisfaction, I thought no-one could ever get me high again, I swear, I was not looking
Oh, waited so long, I thought the real thing was a fake, I thought it was a tool to break me down, You proved me wrong again
If love were liquid it would drown me, In a placeless place would find me, In a heart shape come around me and then, Melt me slowly down, If love were human it would know me, In a lost space come and show me, Hold me and control me and then, Melt me slowly down
Like chocolate, Tastes so good, My heart's been mended who'd have thought it would, An empty bet and still I won the cash, A man who I love and who, Loves me back
Like chocolate come here, Zoom in, catch the smile, There's no doubt it's from you, And I'm addicted to it now
Just one look boy to melt me down, Just one heart here to save me now, Your candy kisses are sweet I know, Hold me tight baby don't let go, Just one look boy to melt me down, Just one heart here to save me now, Your candy kisses are sweet I know, Hold me tight baby don't let go
I might just enjoy my rochers right now (from the 2 rocher engagement bouquets).
I'm officially 23. Still feels like 13 lah.
Elya ingin mengucapkan jutaan terima kasih kepada kawan-kawan Elya yang telah mengambil masa dan memenatkan jari jemari mereka untuk menyampaikan sms kepada Elya dengan ucapan selamat ulang tahun yang ke dua puluh tiga. Dan tidak lupa juga kepada rakan-rakan di friendster, KL, Elyo dan mana-mana jua merek berada. Kepada dian, nani dan aydah kerana sudi meluangkan masa untuk makan malam di swensens dengan Elya semalam. Terima kasih ye. Dan juga kepada rakan-rakan sekerja yang begitu prihatin dengan birthday kek Elya yang tak kesampaian. Takpe. Nanti lepas raya pun boleh belikan kek. Elya tak kisah. Sebelum Elya akhiri ucapan ini, Elya ingin mengucapkan tahniah dan terima kasih kepada penyokong2 dan kawan-kawan Elya untuk membuat Elya senyum sepanjang hari. Terima kasih!!!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
yesterday. it was a very chatty + giggles outing with him. we went public because we thought of the gaia yesterday :p more like saving the kachings lah.
stoopid me was wearing wedges yesterday. forgot that i was about to do more walks than usual. so went to town to get myself a pair of shoes and i realized that the pair is ala chanel lor. hahaha. ala ala only.
i swear we were the naughtiest and loudest couple in the mrt cabin. i don't give a hoot lah. they always turn to look when we burst into giggles. and for one day, he was stress-free of driving. good for him lor.
and ouh ouhhhh!!! apparently, an idiot has been speculating some non-trivial matters about moi. and this idiot has the fucking cheek to prove herself/himself that those "facts" have a solid ground to it with evidences. ouhhhhhhhh geram siak akak. kau ni bengap ke bodoh ke bahlul ke bengang? kau siapa nak gossip bukan2 pasal aku? kau jealous ke boss sayang aku? kau gila ke apa fitnah aku minum arak? KAU SIUMAN KE TIDAK BODOH??? i can't even fucking stand the smell of beers and liquors and u dare to fucking say im an alcohol consumer? fine i admit i fucking smoke my lungs out. and fine i admit i used to be a hardcore clubber. i think you forgot the fact that i used to have hairstyles that rock the world. why don't you go and speculate about that now?
but your ultimate stupid "fact" that someone waits for me everyday at work at 1830hrs seriously deserves the Oscar awards for the best try on acting. dear fucker, i am a fucking serious workaholic and a perfectionist. i am not one of those who leaves the office when it's time to. i am not one of those who talks much while working. infact, i hate it when people are trying to strike conversations with me while my head is buried in my cubicle. infact, i loathe noises and unnecessary chats. and im not going to share with you my earliest and latest time i stayed in the office. but i wonder where did you come up with that stupid "fact" of yours? who is this other man who waits for me patiently everyfuckingday at 1830hrs? who and what are you trying to prove? what will you accomplish from spreading lies about me? you must be eagerly waiting for my downfall somewhere out there...arent you? thing is, I DON'T FUCKING OWE YOU A LIVING SO JUST FUCK OFF!
my lifetime is sure gonna be naggy at me later once he reads this entry but with all due respect, i don't care. because those "facts" that this fucker speculated about me have been sent to one of the VIP in my life come the near future.
when in actual fact, i'm really a nice girl.
so fuck off :) just go fucking fuck off.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
I'd just finished reading PS, I Love You. Thanks to yanyan or otherwise, i would have bought john grisham instead. Felt for some thriller miller but changed my mind. Call me a romantic sap if it makes you happy i don't care. It's just WORTH reading it. Sooooooooooo can't wait for the movie lorrr! Remind me to bring along a box of tissue to the cinema.