i don't know how to start this entry. perhaps i do know. but where do i start? should i start with the fact on how much i love to see him smile. how much i adore his giggles. and the way the skin around his eyes area cringe so hard when he's having a big laugh. last night i saw all that on him.
but those beautiful things ended abruptly when he heard the news today.
the news that tore him apart into pieces. the news that hurt him so much it's close to suicidal. and hearing his quivering voice on the phone just now made my brains dead for awhile. i went out makeup-less. it was just a grab and go moment for me. i couldn't think properly for all i know is he needs my presence. i forgot to wear the proper attire for a solemn gathering. yes ok i was stupid. so i had to borrow bibik's tudung just now. i donated a few of surah yassin for his daddy. but i think that ain't enough. i think i'll just pray some more after this.
i felt totally useless seeing tearful eyes just now. i felt helpless seeing others' grievances.
his daddy passed away at Mekah today. God definitely loves him so much more alhamdullilah insyaAllah.
and i know it will be a long time from now till i see those beautiful happenings on his face like last night again. don't weep honey, for your loss. try to smile with the fact that your dad is now in the most beautiful place filled with purity and i'm sure he's happier there insyaAllah. because your daddy deserves to be in that place. a place that couldn't be compared to the 7 wonders of the world. only He knows.....
i will be the pillars for you to hold onto now during your weakest moments.
i love you, Farid.
Haji Salihoddin Bin Ahmad Rubai, semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat insyaAllah...
